Vision
who is she?
She is calm, serene even. She has big, healthy hair for which she’s managed to find a flattering, low-maintenance cut. She wears soft clothes that look good on her, but more importantly enable her movement and don’t restrict it. She sits in chairs cross-legged or with one leg thrown over the arm. She seems like she feels at-home in (and in tune with) her body. Her home is full of books and art and comfy furniture and weird rugs. She is respected and renowned for her writing, speaking, and collaborative projects. She is worldly and opts for adventure when she needs it. She is financially very comfortable. She spends lots of time with her loved ones (husband, dogs, family of blood and chosen varieties), and she spends lots of time with herself. She cracks wise. She smells fantastic.
She is me in my most selfish future, and she is my key advisor. The first time I met her, I was reading Playing Big: Practical Wisdom for Women Who Want to Speak Up, Create and Lead by Tara Mohr. Mohr writes of an “inner mentor” exercise: in it, Mohr asks the reader to envision herself in the future, only it’s a version of herself that has done the things she wants to do. This is one of the most worthwhile exercises I’ve ever done.
When I closed my eyes, at first I was skeptical about who I conjured up: this lady is freaking incredible, I thought, but she’s not me. She surprised me by being a published author and a touring speaker; she shocked me by wearing her hair natural; she excited me by living an examined life in which she belongs truly, 100% to herself while having beautiful, honest, mutually satisfying relationships with all of the chosen members of her circle.
I was right in a sense…she’s NOT who I am now. But she’s within me. She’s an aspiration, and she’s also my core—a peach pit, as it were, nestled deep within my flesh and containing all of the coiled potential of my life. What is so incredibly powerful about her is that, because she’s DONE the things that I’m currently aspiring to do, she has 20/20 hindsight and great advice.
Meetings in the woodland home
I have returned her often in my journaling sessions, and always with questions. She warmly receives me in her beautiful woodland home. And, sitting criss-cross-applesauce in a huge, plush armchair in front of a floor-to-ceiling window, she gives me concrete answers. “I went to that networking event,” she says when I ask her if it’s worth the drive. “I made the phone call,” she says when I tell her I’m reluctant to reach out one last time to someone I’d like to work with. She never tells me how those things turn out—she doesn’t have to. She’s the proof.
She always invites me to stay for dinner, which is usually a smorgasbord including home-grown produce and home-baked treats she lovingly assembled alongside her husband. Her dogs are never far, and a cat or two lounge atop bookshelves. Some good friends of theirs arrive shortly before dinnertime. These friends are all very intelligent and different from each other; they’re funny; they’re curious, they’re kind, they’re honest, and they clearly love each other. The conversation sparkles and flows until all plates are empty, at which point everyone falls into a comfortable, well-fed silence. It’s usually at this point that she tells me it’s time to part ways; she’s got to wind down and get to bed. She’s got an early morning ahead of her: yoga practice, followed by a group writing sprint at a coffee shop in town. After that, she’s got lunch to catch up with a friend and then will be taking the dogs for a long hike.
In one fateful journaling session, as I was thanking her for her advice and getting up to leave her beautiful forest home, she handed me a parting gift: a copy of one of her bestselling books, called [REDACTED]*. With a wink, she said, “the only way to read it is to write it.” She can be annoyingly sagely. I really, really love her.
finding your “peach pit”
Here are the prompts you can answer to meet that version of yourself.
Describe them. What are they wearing? How have they styled their hair? What’s their “vibe?” What else stands out to you about their physical attributes or the way they carry themselves?
Talk to them. Ask them questions. What do they say, and how do they say it? What questions do they have for you? What advice do they offer?
Walk with them. How do they spend a typical day (if there is even such a thing as a “typical” day in their world)? Who do they surround themselves with? What are their major priorities for how they spend their time?
Accept their gift. As you’re leaving your time with them, they hand you something. What is it, and what does it mean to you?
This isn’t an easy exercise for everyone, but it’s well worth it. Fight the urge to say “this isn’t me.” Don’t think it’s too self-absorbed to even consider this version of yourself. Let the vision come, and enjoy your time with you.
*I’d rather not spoil the title. ;]
